


Hold Your Heart Close

by AraSigyrn



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: AU, M/M, Magic Realism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 16:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16790497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AraSigyrn/pseuds/AraSigyrn
Summary: Connor makes it to the Leafs, but his his goal scoring ability isn't the only thing that keeps him close to the team





	Hold Your Heart Close

In the minors, Connor spends more time patching up hearts than he spends watching tape. There's almost nothing serious; boys getting their first crushes might crack their hearts but they don't break them. Losing seasons might bruise a young player's heart but it's nothing that can't be soothed away.

Connor gets a reputation, the sort of thing that teenage boys don't talk about but he gets used to finding hockey players or friends of hockey players hanging around his billet family's front garden. 

There's a kid, Keith, who doesn't come to Connor. His friend Ian comes instead and shares a picture. Hearts don't photograph well but Connor's own heart skips a beat and he goes with Ian, two bus rides and a twenty five minute walk.

Keith's heart is broken in three pieces: one in his bedroom, under a pile of dirty kit: one in the garden, by the family BBQ: the last one in the reception of the hospital where his mom died. Connor spends three weeks coaxing the pieces back together before he comes back.

"It won't ever be the same," he tells Keith who is just sitting on his couch, staring into space. "It's strong though."

Keith takes his heart back and there's a few seconds where nothing happens. Then he blinks and looks down. His face creased up and his eyes get wet and Connor leaves. He gets a text from an unknown number that just says 'thx'.

He runs into Ian at a game a couple of months later and Ian buys him a milkshake and says that Keith is much better. Ian asks a lot of questions that Connor can't really answer. He tries but Heart magic isn't something that gets a lot of study. Connor's the only Heart Witch he knows. His mom says that maybe her mom's grandmother had a bit of the magic in her but nobody bothered to write anything down.

Connor goes to the Draft, then to the Marlies. His reputation goes with him and Connor finds out a lot more about how fear leaves traceries of silver scarring across hearts. He meets Rich Clune whose heart is battered and scarred and looks like it's been put together wrong at least twice.

He kinda bonds with Sparky who is full of fretful energy. He gets to know Hyms pretty well, patching his heart up when Willy knocks it off shelves, kicks it with his skates or otherwise misses the glaringly obvious. Hyms gets drunk one night and asks Connor if you can put your heart on a leash.

"No," Connor says with a shiver. "Hearts aren't meant to be bound."

Hyms blinks and Connor must be drunk himself because he talks about Mary, the little girl with brown eyes in Connor's kindergarten, who hadn't ever come to him. If Connor had been older, he would have gone to her but all he could see when she came near him was the empty place where her heart should have been.

He then drinks enough that he spends the next twenty four hours puking miserably but Hyms stays with him. 

"You trying to give yourself alcohol poisoning?" Hyms complains.

"It beats the dreams," is all that Connor can manage. "And I'm not getting drunk enough to explain them until after the season."

In the end, Hyms doesn't make him tell him about the dreams at all. Connor loves him for that and he makes a point of smoothing out all the cracks in Hyms's heart when he rescues it again and again. He has a lot of work as the season tips into pre-playoffs rush. The Leafs are sucking, hard and Connor gets called up for a game in Anaheim.

He gets as far as the locker room door that first time before he actually has to stop and bring up his shields for the first time in forever. He's been lucky up to this point. Hockey isn't _actually_ a life and death thing. Heart Witches, as far as Connor can guess, are drawn to healing hearts.

The hearts of the Maple Leafs aren't broken. That's the only positive Connor can come up with. They're just... grey. It's like depression almost and Connor goes back into the locker room and stays for two hours just coaxing heat and colour back into the greyist hearts. He buys Mo a drink and talks about the importance of self-care. 

Then he goes and scores his first NHL goal.

Connor's practically giddy when Naz wins the game in overtime and the locker room is practically drunk with the win. Connor doesn't realize until he's back in his hotel room that he's misplaced his heart. 

He calls it, reaching out into the space where human emotions press against the world and his heart fades into his hands. It's not glowing as much as he expects and Connor tucks it away. He's too tired to investigate and when he wakes the next morning, he's forgotten it.

He goes back to the Marlies, they get close enough to winning that he can almost taste it. Connor takes the summer to lick his wounds and comes back as a Leaf, not a Marlie. The team is all changed and the locker room is crackling with nervous energy.

Connor is mostly focused on staying up. He's a good player, he knows that. He's just not sure he's a good enough player to stay on the team. He gets a month in, just as he's settling in and it becomes obvious that somebody's been talking. He suspects it's Hyms because Willy doesn't know.

Unsurprisingly, it's Mitch who comes to him first. He says something about a girl but Connor doesn't really get anything useful from the babble of words which are clearly just there to explain why he's spilling his heart into Connor's hands. It's just a crack, nothing structural but Connor runs his thumb over it, soothing away the broken edges.

"It'll fix itself the rest of the way," he assures Mitch. "It'll be stronger that way."

"Ok, cool," Mitch takes his heart back with exaggerated care and bumps his shoulder into Connor. 

That should be the end of it, but Mitch turns out to be both curious and totally lacking in a filter (at least after two beers) so he starts coming back to Connor with questions at the next rookie night out.

"So you can see everyone's heart? Like not just the people who are in love with you but like, everyone?" 

"Yes, Mitch." Connor escapes to the bathroom but Mitch is waiting when he gets back.

"What do other people's hearts feel like?" 

"Well, what does your heart feel like when you have it in your hands?" Connor fires back. 

"Warm, it's like its part of me," Mitch waves his hand. "Like, can you read someone's mind if you're holding their hearts?"

"What the fuck? NO!" Connor nearly chokes on his beer. "You don't think with your fucking heart!" 

Hyms comes back at this point, looks at Connor, looks at Mitch and changes the subject. Connor mostly doesn't say anything for the rest of the evening. He does watch Mitch a little more carefully and he's not exactly surprised when he notices the glow of Mitch's heart coming from a corner of Auston's locker. He doesn't say anything about it, but he notices it.

The biggest issue Connor has during training camp is actually Frederik Andersen, the new goalie. Freddie is magic. Not like Connor is magic, Freddie actually wears a charm to keep his powers off the ice. Locker room rumour doesn't offer any details but Connor can feel the energy crackling around him from across the room. 

That wouldn't be a problem on its own; Connor's perfectly happy with his own magic and aside from a wistful thought that it would be nice to talk magic with someone who gets it, he's not even jealous. 

The problem is that Freddie has a temper. 

He's not mean about it but a bad training session makes him explode. Freddie doesn't take it out on other people. Instead, Freddie throws his gloves across the room, turns to his locker and hurls his heart across the room. Freddie kicks the bench and stomps off to the showers. 

Everyone is quiet for a couple of seconds and then conversations pick up. Connor gets up, careful of his skates and crosses to where Freddie's heart is shining in a corner. He picks it up carefully - it's almost hot enough to burn him - and sees that it's just bruised. He runs his thumb lightly along the swelling lump and it dwindles back to a smooth curve.

Connor tucks Freddie's heart back into his locker and goes back to where Hyms is stripping off his under armour. He's talking about breakaways when Freddie comes back out. There's no significant glance or anything. Freddie just sits into his locker and Connor keeps talking to Hyms.

Connor never talks to Freddie about it and after that it gets to be a habit.

Freddie's super hard on himself. He'll bark and snap at guys who are goofing up but he feels every loss like it's his fault. Whenever the team loses, fine, Connor gets that. But Freddie will throw his heart across the locker room if he feels he wasn't perfect.

Connor fetches his heart every time and it starts being one of those things that everyone knows but nobody talks about; Connor patches up Freddie's heart. Freddie's temper doesn't fester. Everyone wins. 

The game against the Candaniens is rough and it's the first game that Freddie actually cracks his heart over. JVR distracts Freddie long enough for Connor to do the repair but it's close. Connor's butt barely touches the bench before Freddie's back at his locker.

The game against LA is the first time Freddie's rage breaks his heart. It hits the wall and just comes apart. Connor isn't even sure he can fix this but everyone is looking at him out of the corners of their eyes. He gathers up the pieces and the jagged edges cut his fingertips as he tries to reassemble Freddie's heart and hold it together.

He just about manages it - wrapping the broken heart up in his own admiration and respect and tucking it back into Freddie's locker - and it leaves him unsteady on his feet. He doesn't sit down so much as he falls into his locker, stars spinning across his vision. Connor's stomach rolls and he thinks he might have thrown up if he had enough in his stomach.

Hyms leans into him and Matts leans in from the other side. Connor just lets his head thump back against the locker behind him. He shuffles through showering, gets back to the hotel because Matts is on one side of him and Mo is on the other. Connor face—plants into his bed and the next thing he knows, it's morning.

On the plane, Mitch comes to hang over the back of the seat in front of Connor.

"You don't look like a zombie anymore," Mitch observes. Connor flips him off. "Seriously, you looked like shit last night."

"Thanks, Marns," Connor deadpans.

There's a couple of minutes where the only sounds are from the poker game the boys are playing. Connor keeps his eyes on his phone. 

"It looked bad," Mitch says in a more serious tone. "You've never looked like that before."

"Heartbreak sucks, man," Connor says with his eyes on his phone. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Mitch makes a huh sound and goes away. Connor drinks a bottle of heartburn medication and life goes on. It just gets folded into the regular routine and Connor hangs in. He hangs out with Matts a lot (roomies for the win) which means he hangs out with Freddie a lot.

After a week of wondering if he should mention the heart thing, Connor pretty much forgets about it. Freddie turns out to be wickedly funny, distractingly intense and strong enough that he can just haul Connor around.

...it's a problem.

Connor's got a pretty good handle on his heart; the one and only real benefit of being a Heart Witch. He's still basically powerless to stop his heart from drifting wistfully after Freddie. It feels stupid at first; Connor's had crushes before but his heart's never ignored Connor's attempts to reclaim it this completely before. Then it feels inevitable. Freddie's awesome, hot and exactly Connor's type.

Connor tries to ignore it. He knows no-one else can see his heart and Freddie hasn't mentioned it which means that Connor must be hiding it better than he thinks. It becomes a kind of background noise of his life.

Connor thinks he's handling it pretty well.

Then they make the playoffs. The whole city loses their _minds_. It's surreal and Connor feels like he's riding a coffee-high, giddy with joy.

Then they lose.

The disappointment is so big that Connor can't even feel it. He just feels...drained. He's not the only one who comes off the ice with tears in his eyes. Matts is just staring blankly at his skates. Kadri is swearing quiet and focused like he's praying.

Freddie is the last one into the locker room. 

Connor can't even feel surprise that Freddie isn't crushed. Freddie's _raging_. Connor doesn't even register the danger when Freddie throws his paddle clear across the room. He's trying to scrape up the energy to sit up when Freddie reaches into his locker. 

And grabs _Connor_ 's heart.

Connor doesn't actually see his heart hit the wall. The world just vanishes. Then he's on the floor. Voices are shouting. Naz is loudest. There's something wet under his cheek but Connor can't get his eyes to stay open. A gloved hand touches his cheek. The world splinters again. Coach is talking. No, Coach is doing that not-shouting thing he does when he's mad. Connor's stupid cold.

He doesn't start thinking properly until he's lying on the bed in the trainer's room. He still can't get his eyes open. He feels like he's been bag-skated through the ice. He feels like someone just peeled off all his skin and left a window open. He can tell that Hyms's there, a rustle of paper as he turns pages. Connor lets himself just drift until someone else comes in.

"Is he okay?" Willy.

"I don't know," Hyms's hand brushes Connor's shoulder. "He hasn't woken up yet."

"What happened to him?" Willy's voice comes closer. "I saw Freddie throw his stick but I didn't think he hit Brownie."

"He didn't," Hyms hesitates and then he squeezes Connor's shoulder. "He threw something else."

"What? What could he throw that could hurt _Brownie_?" 

Hyms's breathing hitches a little and he sounds so fake-calm when he says "Heart-break'll do that do you, I guess? Especially for a Heart Witch." 

"Huh," Willy says after a pause that seemed to go on forever. "I knew he had something going on but a Heart Witch? Really?"

"Really," Hyms says and there's another silent pause.

"He's going to be okay, right?" Willy asks. "Coach wouldn't say anything."

"I don't know," Hyms admits. "There's nothing about Heart Witches in most books on magic. I don't know what breaking his heart actually does."

"He looked like he'd had a stroke," Willy's voice gets even closer. Connor can smell the liquorce on his breath. If he could move, he'd pull away. He just lies there and lets the comfortable static of not-thinking fuzz his mind out.

He's cold, Connor thinks. 

The voices over his head go quiet all of a sudden. Connor tunes back in with an effort. Willy sounds like he's glaring across the face-off dot at someone who dissed his flow. Hyms sounds...unfriendly. There's got to be someone else there but Connor can't hear a third voice.

He does feel warmth. It's like coming in after playing shinny in midwinter, that moment when the door opens and the warmth comes spilling out.

Something tingles against the skin on his chest and the cold just kinda leaks out of him. Connor's suddenly super tired and it doesn't feel scary when the darkness rises softly and sleep pulls him under again.

Connor wakes up slowly this time.

He still feels like he played seven bruising playoff games but he doesn't feel the cold or the awful sense of being exposed. He lifts his head and oh, that's his heart. Right on his chest.

Connor blinks. Actually, that's his heart and someone else's on his chest. Connor brings up a hand. His heart's intact but spiderwebbed with cracks and it feels fragile under his fingers but it's whole. The other heart...yeah, Connor knows this heart.

A door opens and Connor turns his head to see Freddie, looking like he slept in a dumpster, come into the room with wet hands. He looks half-asleep until it visibly registers that Connor's awake and Freddie's head jerks up.

"Connor! You're awake!" He's over by the side of the bed in like two steps. "Are you feeling-? Do you need the trainer? I can grab the doc-"

"Freddie," Connor flails out a hand to catch Freddie's wrist. "I'm fine."

Freddie lifts the judgiest of eyebrows and Connor huffs out a weak laugh.

"I feel like Ovechkin put me through the boards a couple of time and like half the Capitals skated over me, but I'm okay." The judgiest eyebrow lifts higher and Connor squeezes his wrist. "I'm okay, I promise."

Freddie deflates and sinks into a chair that Connor hadn't even noticed was there. He twists his arm a little until he can catch hold of Connor's wrist. Connor can feel Freddie's pulse under his fingers. Freddie alternates looking at where he's holding on to Connor to looking Connor up and down like he's afraid he'll bleed out or something. Connor's oddly comfortable so he startles when Freddie speaks.

"I'm sorry," Freddie says.

"It's cool," Connor starts.

"It is _NOT_ cool," Freddie snaps. "I broke your heart in thirty eight pieces and nearly killed you because I lost my temper."

"You didn't mean to," Connor protests.

"I didn't mean to lose the series but I did that too!" 

"Freddie, man, that wasn't your fault!" Connor tries to sit up so he can look Freddie in the eye but Freddie just plants his hand on Connor's opposite shoulder. So, Connor's not going anywhere.

"And even if that were true," Freddie says. "I still owe you an apology."

Connor looks up at him. Freddie moves his other hand so he's almost- _almost_ touching Connor's fractured, fragile heart. Connor can see the way the light spills out through the crack, glowing gold like a winter fire and he feels more naked than he's ever felt in his life.

"Fred-" 

"But I don't think my English is good enough for that apology yet," Freddie tips his head so he's smiling at Connor. "So instead, I am going to get the trainer to check you out and then, I am going to take you to breakfast. If you don't have plans?"

"I-uh-no?" Connor pushes up a little. Neither heart on his chest moves. "Should I-" he gestures to Freddie's heart. "Do you want it back?"

"No," Freddie says and smiles again. "It's where it's supposed to be."


End file.
